When it Rains, it Pours.

The results of my ultrasound are in.

I need further screening procedures. Not just in one breast. But in both. And not just needle biopsies. One needle biopsy on the right and an MRI-guided biopsy on the left.

Yes, when it rains, it pours. On my boobs.

I’m actually kind of angry right now. Yesterday, after the ultrasound, I was devastated. I was sent to the little dressing room to put my clothes back on and as I wiped the cold gel from my chest I just started sobbing. When the doctor invited me in to see my images from my mammo, MRI, and now ultrasound and explain the situation, I sobbed. When I walked into the waiting room to tell my boyfriend, I sobbed. Then I went back to work and threw myself into other things so I didn’t have to think about it.

Today, I’ve come to terms, but I am angry. I know it’s not my fault or the doctor’s fault or anyone’s fault, really (I don’t blame you for giving me these genes, mom, because you gave me so much more that is positive). I just feel so angry that I’m 25 and I have to go through this. I’m angry at the insurance company that’s probably going to charge me an arm and a leg. I’m angry that this is my only option at this point. I’m angry that I decided to do surveillance and I sometimes just want to say, “OFF WITH MY BREASTS!” I’m angry at myself for thinking that. I’m angry that I got tested so young and I’m angry that I’m not being stronger.

I know these feelings of anger, sadness, fear (I hate needles… who doesn’t?) will pass, but for now it’s just how I feel and I’m glad to be able to write about it.

My tests are scheduled for next Thursday, St. Patty’s Day. Erin go-friggin-bragh.

And My Boobs Emerged, Unscathed

Well I just got home from my first ever mammogram. I was pretty nervous going into it but I have to say: it was nothing.

Seriously. Here’s the blow-by-blow, for your reading pleasure: First I had to take my shirt off and put on a gown. Then I went into the room where the machine was, and the woman told me they were going to take four pictures. She arranged my breast on a platform and kind of pushed and pulled me around for a second, making sure I was in the right position. Then a plastic plate descended onto my breast, and pushed it flat. It felt a bit strange and there was some pressure, but it did not hurt. When she was satisfied, the tech moved to the computer and told me to hold my breath while she captured the image. This was probably the hardest part, but it was only a second or two until I was done. This process repeated three more times (they took 2 images of each breast) and all together I was in there about 5 minutes. Then I was done. Completely. I didn’t even have to pay a copay!

Now, as others have indicated, the hard part is waiting for the results. I might have to go in and get some more images taken, especially because I am young ang this was my first mammogram ever (they’ve got nothing to compare it to). So we’ll see what happens. I can’t say I’m too nervous – the likelihood of me having cancer at 25 is miniscule – but it’s still a possibility.

After the procedure (if you can even call it that) I went shopping. Yup, I dropped about $150 at Gap and Anthropologie. I considered it a girly reward for doing my girly duties.

Also, I wanted to share this picture. Before the mammo I had to clean the deoderant off my armpits with this aptly-named tool:

Love whoever came up with that brilliant product name.