When it Rains, it Pours.

The results of my ultrasound are in.

I need further screening procedures. Not just in one breast. But in both. And not just needle biopsies. One needle biopsy on the right and an MRI-guided biopsy on the left.

Yes, when it rains, it pours. On my boobs.

I’m actually kind of angry right now. Yesterday, after the ultrasound, I was devastated. I was sent to the little dressing room to put my clothes back on and as I wiped the cold gel from my chest I just started sobbing. When the doctor invited me in to see my images from my mammo, MRI, and now ultrasound and explain the situation, I sobbed. When I walked into the waiting room to tell my boyfriend, I sobbed. Then I went back to work and threw myself into other things so I didn’t have to think about it.

Today, I’ve come to terms, but I am angry. I know it’s not my fault or the doctor’s fault or anyone’s fault, really (I don’t blame you for giving me these genes, mom, because you gave me so much more that is positive). I just feel so angry that I’m 25 and I have to go through this. I’m angry at the insurance company that’s probably going to charge me an arm and a leg. I’m angry that this is my only option at this point. I’m angry that I decided to do surveillance and I sometimes just want to say, “OFF WITH MY BREASTS!” I’m angry at myself for thinking that. I’m angry that I got tested so young and I’m angry that I’m not being stronger.

I know these feelings of anger, sadness, fear (I hate needles… who doesn’t?) will pass, but for now it’s just how I feel and I’m glad to be able to write about it.

My tests are scheduled for next Thursday, St. Patty’s Day. Erin go-friggin-bragh.

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8 thoughts on “When it Rains, it Pours.

  1. I’m so sorry to hear that you need more tests. It’s probably nothing, and just remember, they are being extra cautious with you, given your predisposition. But I want to let you know I’ll be thinking of you. Feel free to drop me a line anytime. We sistahs got to stick together!

  2. I’m sorry you have to get the biopsies. It is upsetting not to get the “all clear.” A tip I learned from my last biopsy is the wonders of the ace wrap afterward. You might experience some bruising and soreness but ask them to give you a large ace wrap to bind yourself. That cuts down on any jiggling and really helps the first couple of days. I also wished I had remembered to take tylenol before the procedure. Good luck. I hope everything comes back negative.

  3. Sorry to hear about your need for further tests. Sending good vibes for excellent results. It’s ok to cry, be angry and pissed! This whole situation SUCKS! Hang in there… you’re making the best decisions for your health.

  4. I’m sorry you have to have biopsies. Like Steph said, it’s most likely more out of caution (gotta love BRCA) than anything else. I’ve chosen surveillance [for now], too, and a lot of times I’m just cursing myself for it in the same way you are. This stuff absolutely SUCKS but you are definitely not alone with any of it. Thinking lots of good thoughts for you!

  5. Good Luck……been there done that! It will be nothing but you will never forget this expierence. I did the watch and wait game for almost 2 years. Let’s just say it gets old quickly. I have had multiple biopsies and just got tired of it…..PS 5 weeks post op PBM with expanders. Just couldn’t take the stress anymore. Is surgery a picnic? Hell no but I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off of my shoulders.But I wish you all the luck in your journey!!!!!!!!!

  6. Cara,
    I just was able to find this and I felt so bad that I did not hear about your situation sooner. I hope that you are well and things are looking up for you. Please keep in touch.

    Alexis

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