Nothing is ever easy

I’m back in DC at my apartment and back at work! My initial surgery was April 5th, my revision was April 29th, and I returned to work on May 11th. Not bad, eh? Being young and physically fit was a big positive for me in my recovery. I am still trying to take things slowly and I have occasional discomfort and soreness, but it just feels great to be back in my normal routine and seeing friends and colleagues.

Chemo is my next step, and if all goes well I will start it next week and be done by September. I’ll be doing 4 rounds of AC then 4 rounds of T. As the title of this entry suggests, though, things are not as straightforward as they first seemed. In every step throughout this process, I feel as though I’ve had a huge, frustrating decision to make. Lumpectomy or Mastectomy? Harvesting eggs or risking infertility? Etc.

I thought chemo would be more straightforward, but now I’ve been introduced to the option of the cold cap. It’s not widely used in the US but there are lots of great success stories and my parents, in their loving way, have offered to take care of everything if I decide to use it.

But I can’t decide! On one hand I’d LOVE to keep my hair. Up until now I’ve been a cancer patient without looking like one. The second I lose my hair, though, I’ll instantly be identified as a cancer patient, and I’d love to avoid that. But on the other hand, I’ve been preparing for the hair loss (bought two wigs already) and it’s not the biggest deal in the world to me to lose my hair temporarily. I know it will grow back, and it will be kind of fun (fun?) to see what I look like bald and with really short hair as it grows back. Also, the cold caps seem to be a huge pain in the butt to use given that hospitals in the US don’t widely use them and have the right equipment to do so.

So again I’m faced with a big decision. Not life threatening, per say, but big nonetheless. Anyone have experience with the cold caps and want to share? I’d appreciate some input.

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2 thoughts on “Nothing is ever easy

  1. it’ll be interesting if you go the cold cap route. you’ve spurred me on as a nursing student to do a little bit of research and what i’ve read and watched is encouraging. if you do the cold cap route you and succeed you could open up a whole new door to the hospital where you are getting your treatment done. you might be an agent of change delivering hope to others in similar conditions.

  2. Going bald was a little emotional, but not as bad as I thought. I had my wigs ready, because I swore I would never go out without one….because that would just scream “I have cancer”. Well, then summer hit and I said…WTF, I edon’t know them (at the food store), they don’t know me, so screw it….off with the wig and on with the bandana or baseball hat…..have loads of bandanas! My son called my hairless head, my “bad ass” look, lol. They were all so good to me.
    The hair grew back very curly with a mind of its own…..then went straight! I want the curls back, but I do have hair, so I am not complaining. 🙂

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