I’ve done it again. Neglected this blog for a prolonged amount of time. Sorry.
On Monday I visited a new oncologist here in DC, and I was very happy with the experience. I am going to have her follow my surveillance as long as I’m in DC, and I couldn’t be happier that I found someone good. It can be very hard to find doctors – but I am not prepared to settle, especially when I have so much at stake. As I am 25, the onc wrote me a scrip for my very first MRI. YAY! (Except not.) I can’t say I’m very excited to be stuck in a claustrophobic tube with my boobs hanging through two little holes, but I am really glad to have it scheduled and I’m sure I’ll feel better after it’s done. As most BRCAers probably understand, there is something very empowering about taking control of your prevention in this way. I’m like, “SCREW YOU, BRCA. YOU CAN’T HAVE ME!”
While sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office, I looked around at all the other waiting patients and realized I was the youngest there by far. There was a book on a table near me that showed photographs of women with bald heads, to promote the beauty of cancer survivors despite the obstacles they faced. Figuring it would be some good light reading, I picked it up, but it gave me an overwhelmingly sad feeling. Breast cancer survivors are an interesting group. From what we all see in commercials for Avon Walks, it would seem they are all about sisterhood, hope, love, acceptance, strength, etc. And I don’t doubt they are. But I’m not sure that I’m cut out for that experience yet, and I would so much prefer NOT to be a cancer survivor… I don’t want to have cancer at all. But being in an oncologist’s office and seeing old, bald women sitting in the chairs diligently waiting for their appointments – I really wished I didn’t have to go through all this.
As I’ve written before, there are times when BRCA isn’t even in the back of my mind. Maybe that’s why there are such long periods where I neglect this blog. But then there are times, like Monday, when my BRCA is basically sitting on my lap, and it’s hard to ignore. That’s when I come back to writing, to the blog, to making sure there’s some record of my experience so I don’t forget.